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It's a good one. And about 70-80% there. 

Two things that strike me just on a quick scan

1. Avoid verbs that are passive or which do not differentiate your actual impact - for instance, starting bullet points with ‘participated’ or ‘contributed’. Verbs such as ‘led’ are much better because you show yourself being proactive and responsible for something that is clear.

2. Make sure that you identify your impact on each bullet point. You did this on some, but not all of them. On some you just explained what you did but we don't understand the consequence of your work. 

If you decide you need more help, feel free to reach out for a review.

Best,
Cristian

Happy to share few comments over DM - do message if keen

What I feel is missing is a bit more color on industries you have worked for (and sometimes type of projects / project objectives or functional topics). In some occasions you can do that at the expense of “measured impact” (i.e., it's unclear how impactful a 17% improvement in throughput is in a task that is mostly about the quality of the value add… so for example I would sacrifice that for a bit more context)

Happy to keep help you in private, just send me a message.

Best,

Alberto

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