Why does an employee offer/promise to refer you but ends up ghosting you? I suffered from this multiple times, I'm afraid I am making a mistake in my networking approach
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Problem in referrals
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It can be frustrating and disheartening when someone offers or promises to refer you for a job opportunity but then doesn't follow through. This situation can occur for various reasons, and it's not necessarily a reflection of a mistake in your networking approach. Here are some common reasons why this might happen:
- Change in Circumstances: The person who offered to refer you may have had a change in their own circumstances, such as a shift in their priorities, workload, or personal life. This change can make it challenging for them to fulfill their promise even if they genuinely intended to help you.
- Lack of Follow-Through: Sometimes, individuals may have good intentions but fail to follow through due to forgetfulness, busy schedules, or a lack of understanding of the referral process within their organization.
- Fear of Risk: Referring someone for a job can carry some level of risk for the employee making the referral, as their reputation may be on the line if the referred candidate doesn't perform well. In some cases, the employee might have second thoughts about the potential risks involved.
- Lack of Confidence: The person who offered to refer you might have concerns about your qualifications or fit for the role, even if they didn't express those concerns initially. They might not want to directly communicate their doubts to you and may choose to avoid the situation instead.
- Miscommunication: Misunderstandings or miscommunication can also lead to unfulfilled promises. It's possible that there was a misunderstanding regarding the timing or process of the referral.
To mitigate the chances of this happening in the future, consider the following steps:
- Follow Up: After someone offers to refer you, send a polite follow-up message to express your continued interest and to inquire about the next steps in the referral process. This helps keep the conversation and commitment alive.
- Clarify Expectations: When someone offers to refer you, ask for clarification on what steps they will take and when you can expect to hear from them. This can help set clear expectations.
- Diversify Your Network: Don't rely solely on one person for referrals. Continue to network and build connections with multiple individuals in your desired industry or company. This increases your chances of finding someone who can advocate for you effectively.
- Professionalism: Ensure that your interactions with potential referrers are professional and respectful. Building strong relationships and a positive reputation in your network can increase the likelihood of people following through on their promises.
Remember that while networking and referrals can be valuable for job searches, they are not guaranteed paths to employment. Keep a proactive and diversified approach to your job search, and don't be discouraged by occasional setbacks in the networking process.
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Hi there,
Q: Why does an employee offer/promise to refer you but ends up ghosting you? I suffered from this multiple times, I'm afraid I am making a mistake in my networking approach.
Difficult to answer without more information. Possible options are:
- Just randomness – you ended up getting a yes from people who are not reliable or got busy.
- You are pushing too much for a referral.
If they don't follow up on the referral offer, you can reach out and ask if there is any additional step needed from your side before you apply. In some cases, it might work to reactivate the referral.
Best,
Francesco
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Hi there!
Oh, I'm really sorry to hear.
This happens, but it's not that common, so I'm surprised to hear that it happened to you several times. I wonder whether there's something wrong that you did in following up with them.
Generally, some of them become very busy in the meantime and might simply overlook your message. Sending them multiple reminders can come across as being too pushy, so that also doesn't help.
The best thing that you can do is have alternatives i.e., have multiple people who are willing to refer you. And then you have the confidence that statistically at least one of them will. I understand that this makes the networking process more difficult.
Sharing with you a guide on networking and generating referrals that you could read and perhaps discover whether you're currently doing anything wrong:
- Expert Guide: How To Handle Networking Calls and Get Referrals
- Expert Guide: How To Get Referrals Via LinkedIn?
Best,
Cristian
———————————————
Practicing for interviews? Check out my latest case based on a first-round MBB interview >>> SoyTechnologies
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Hi there,
Same reason a coworker might not respond to an email, a candidate might not respond to a coach, or someone on a dating app might not respond: People are busy and have other priorities!
First: Don't beat yourself up here.
Rejection is part of this game (and life!). Don't take it personally and just keep moving forward. You should always assume a dropoffs at every stage (message to response, message to call, call to referral promise, referral promise to actual referral).
That's why it's a numbers game.
All that said, my question to you is: How are they promising a referral? Is this you directly asking and them saying yes? (I.e. they feel like they have to say yes)
Or, is this them genuinely offering?
If the former, well, you're doing it wrong.
If the latter, then it's possible your response isn't right (you're not making it easy for them i.e. not attaching the resume right away and explicitly stating role+office or maybe your followups aren't clear).
If you were my candidate I could help you problem solve this, but lacking more info, the above advice should help you understand where to look.
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Hey!
In addition to sound practical advice provided by other coaches, I also suggest looking within. I may speculate here, but still. If you are so triggered by ghosting, there could be some negative past experience (trauma) that causes such a behavioural response.
This, in turn, makes you come across as a low value candidate to the persons whom you ask to refer you. If people see value in you and the way you position yourself, they will be happy to work with you and wouldn't ghost such a candidate (in most cases).
If the problem you're facing is recurring, I would even go as far as discussing this issue with a therapist. (Not forgetting about polishing your CV and networking extensively, of course).
Good luck!
Nick
(editiert)
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Hi,
There could be many reasons why this has happened. Most plausible one is that people become too busy and if there wasn't a strong/genuine connection with you, have very little incentive/motivation to refer you.
One other possible alternative that comes to mind is that perhaps the offer was made before they received your full application (CV & CL), and after they received it they realized that maybe your application wasnt as strong as it sounded it would be, and therefore they are not hesitant to refer you.
Hard to tell - but my advice would be to keep trying (assuming you already have a stellar CV & CL), and to work on building genuine connections (which is not easy to do, i'll admit).
All the best!
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