I’m not sure how to get the referral do I ask directly or hint at it in some way what are some good lines I can use to hint at it? Asking directly feels weird and all my school consulting clubs tell me not to ask in the first coffee chat but coaches here have said differently.
Hi there,
Yes, it's totally fine to ask for a referral directly if the conversation is going well and you’ve built rapport. A natural way to do it at the end of the chat might be:
“Thanks so much for taking the time to speak with me. I’m really excited about the role, and based on our conversation, I feel like it could be a great fit. If you’d feel comfortable referring me, I’d be incredibly grateful.”
Or:
“I really appreciated your insights—they’ve helped me feel more confident that this is the right path. If you think I’d be a good fit, would you be open to referring me?”
If you prefer to hint at it, here are some softer lines that often prompt people to offer:
“I’ve been preparing to apply and trying to understand the best way to approach the process—do you have any advice for someone trying to strengthen their application?”
“Would you recommend applying directly, or is there a better way to get my profile looked at?”
“How did you apply? Was it through someone you knew at the firm?”
And if you didn’t ask during the chat, it’s fine to follow up after:
“Thanks again for our chat the other day—I really appreciated your time and insights. I’m planning to apply to [role/firm] this week, and I was wondering if you’d feel comfortable referring me? No pressure at all—I completely understand if not.”
Happy to help you prep – feel free to reach out.
Best,
Evelina
Great question—and one that almost every candidate struggles with at some point. The truth is, there isn’t a single “right” approach. The key is to build a genuine connection and be clear about your goals without coming across as transactional.
Here’s how I’d break it down:
1. Don’t overthink the first coffee chat—but don’t waste it either.
You don’t have to ask for a referral in the first call, but if the chat goes well, it’s completely okay to leave the door open. Think of it as planting the seed.
Instead of hinting vaguely, which can be unclear or awkward, try using honest and respectful language like:
“I really appreciate your insights today—it’s been super helpful. I’m planning to apply in the next few weeks, and if you felt comfortable supporting my application, I’d be very grateful for a referral.”
This makes your intention clear while giving them an easy out if they don’t feel they know you well enough yet.
2. If you’re not ready to ask yet, keep it open-ended.
If the conversation feels too early, you can say something like:
“I’m hoping to apply soon and would love to stay in touch as I continue preparing—if you’d be open to connecting again down the line, I’d really appreciate it.”
This keeps the door open for a follow-up chat where the ask might feel more natural.
3. Quality matters more than timing.
Whether it’s the first or third chat, what matters most is that the person feels a genuine connection and confidence in recommending you. Focus on being well-prepared, asking thoughtful questions, and showing real enthusiasm for their firm.
Final tip: It’s not weird to ask—if done respectfully and at the right time. I’ve helped many candidates successfully get referrals after one or two chats, simply because they were clear, polite, and confident.
If you'd like, feel free to book a session—I'm happy to help you script outreach messages, prep for coffee chats, and know exactly when and how to ask for a referral based on your situation.
Great question — and you’re not alone. Many candidates overthink this exact dilemma. Here’s the bottom line:
Yes, you should ask directly — but do it gracefully.
Being subtle or hinting can waste time (yours and theirs), and often leads nowhere. Consultants are busy — they prefer clarity. But that doesn’t mean you blurt out “Hey, can you refer me?” 3 minutes into a coffee chat.
Here’s the approach that works best:
Step 1: Build a connection (5–10 mins)
Step 2: Show you’ve done your homework
Step 3: Ask directly — but respectfully
Use one of these lines:
Sample lines to ask for a referral:
“I’ve been really focused on preparing for [Firm] and I’m planning to apply to [Role] in the [Office] soon. If you feel comfortable after this chat, would you be open to referring me?”
“Thanks again for sharing your insights. If you think my background is a good fit, would you consider putting in a referral? I’d be really grateful.”
“I’m actively applying and would love to know — if it’s appropriate — whether a referral might be possible from your side.”
Don’t just hint with weak lines like:
“I’d love to stay in touch!”
“I’m hoping to explore opportunities…”
“If there’s anything you think I should do next…”
These often lead nowhere. Clarity shows maturity and confidence — two things consulting firms love.
Bonus tip:
If you’re still unsure, wait until the end of the coffee chat, then say:
“This has been super helpful. I’m applying this month — and if after this call you feel I’d be a good fit, I’d deeply appreciate a referral. Totally understand if not!”
This puts zero pressure on them — and works better than vague hints 9 times out of 10.
Hello! I totally get what you mean because asking for a referral can feel a bit weird. Personally, I loved the sentences Evelina shared (super helpful!).
I’ve found that it works best when you don’t ask everyone by default, but focus on people you genuinely connect with: maybe you went to the same school, have common interests or mutual friends, or you’re truly excited about the kind of work they do (even better if you’ve done something similar and can show it)!! In those cases, referrals often happen naturally, otherwise it’s tough because people get a lot of requests…
Don't ask directly.
It works sometimes, but more often than not, it's rather awkward and needy.
I recommend a softer approach.
I actually detail it in the following guide. If you have any follow-up questions after reading it, feel free to drop me a message.
Good luck!
Cristian
It might be helpful to remember this too. Most people with whom you’re connecting will be doing this to support their office with recruitment and/or ‘give back’ to students. Asking for a referral when done gracefully therefore is very much part of the expectations for these calls anyways.
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