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Setting boundaries with colleagues one rank lower?

Hi, I’m wondering whether it’s suggested to “set boundaries“ with colleagues one rank lower who you need to direct manage? 

From your experience, would “befriending” with them lead to difficulty to manage them? Just wondering whether it’s better to keep relationships “professional” and having some distances with those that you need to directly manage. 


Appreciate your thoughts.

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Top answer
on Aug 22, 2022
#1 rated McKinsey Coach | top MBB coach

Hi there, 

I believe you can be friendly and yet assertive. If people follow you, it shouldn't be because of a formally assigned role, but because you actually have the skills and mentality to set you apart as a leader. 

Befriending them, in my opinion, can only help because you develop a closer and more empathetic relationship. Plus, then they are more likely to support you and have your back when necessary. 

Best,

Cristian

Ian
Coach
on Aug 21, 2022
Top US BCG / MBB Coach - 5,000 sessions |Tech, Platinion, Big 4 | 9/9 personal interviews passed | 95% candidate success

Hi there,

This is completely dependent on you and your preferences!

I think at work you should always be “careful” in that you need to pay attention to appearances. You want to make sure people don't think you're playing favorites and there's elements of being careful what you say around them.

That said, just last month I visited 2 of my first bosses and their children - it has been an incredibly positive relationship. I am also still very close to some teams I used to manage. It's all really going to depend on the project, client, company culture, your team, and you!

Pedro
Coach
on Aug 30, 2022
Bain | EY-Parthenon | Former Principal | 1.5h session | 30% discount 1st session

This happens all the time. Has pro's and con's. 

What I suggest is that you are friendly with your colleagues, but not necessarily their friend. I.e., don't force it, friendship should develop organically. I've made a lot of friends - but friendship was the result of several months working with people across multiple projects, and not an immediate thing.

You just need to beware that having to evaluate people may get in the way of your relationship (and the risk of being perceived as having favorites). 

Clara
Coach
on Aug 21, 2022
McKinsey | Awarded professor at Master in Management @ IE | MBA at MIT |+180 students coached | Integrated FIT Guide aut

Hello!

I think this is 100% a personal choice, whatever matches your management styles. I have had good managers who were both ways (but ofc, the ones I loved and are nowadays my beloved friends were the ones who did´nt have those boundaries, as you call them). 

Hope it helps!

Cheers, 

Clara

Deleted user
on Aug 20, 2022

Hello,

In my experience, it is perfectly normal and natural to befriend junior colleagues if you feel like you have a good connection with them, so long as you can keep it professional and establish hierarchies as needed when you are on the job. If any issues arise, you could have a conversation to set up some formal boundaries, but generally it's fair to expect that they are able to be professional in the workplace and have a personal friendly dynamic with you at the same time.

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